Even Great Marriages have Bad Years

06 June 2013

Hope Springs Are you trying to bring the hope back into your marriage? — watch Hope Springs. I left this movie feeling hopeful but sad and a bit depressed. Loved the movie in that it gives everyone hope in a marriage that has gone mundane. But, I do not however agree that the above statement needs to be true. Keeping the fire or at least a small flame alive in a marriage is not rocket science.

Great Marriages Can Have Bad Years

I often blog about what marriages need to thrive and survive because I am a realist. After the thousands of divorces I have seen — I see it from the other side. Marriages end because the people in them get lazy and lose sight of the simple fundamentals of a successful long-term relationship.

Like everything in our lives like our careers, our physical fitness or our spiritual well-being — in order to remain healthy we need to pay attention to it. Western culture by nature has become quite lazy and unfortunately this laziness has permeated our marriages.

Great Marriages Change with Time

Remember in the early days when he brought you flowers and talked/listened to your every word and when you devoured him with kisses, hugs and exciting sex? So is the picture today the same? Or has it changed?

Ask yourself why and catch yourself in the excuses. We are busy. Or we are just too tired at the end of the day (note morning is always an option). Perhaps, we are getting older and so our sex drive is just not there anymore. She does not need flowers because she knows I love her. She does not need an anniversary gift because we are trying to save our money and we are much too practical for that.

Marriage is Always a Better Option Than Divorce

While all these reasons may be true so are the consequences. A marriage on this path is headed either for a life of mundane co-habitation or divorce. It is much cheaper and wiser to try and rejuvenate a marriage than to divorce and reenter the dating game, start all over with someone else and perhaps (if the lessons were not learned) end up in a similar place down the road.

Stats tell us — second and third marriages have a higher chance of divorce. So basically — we are not learning. Take the time and rekindle the spark, if there is any hope.

So here are just a few things that you can do that will help you avoid becoming a divorce statistic. And remember to make it fun.

  • Share a 10 second kiss once per day • Have sex at least 2 to 3 times per week • Respect and build your spouses' self-esteem • Have adoration of the one you love • Communication — by product of the above but not foundation • Keeping your body and spirit healthy and fit

Is someone right for you — or is it really time to move on? The following are hurdles that are very hard to overcome:

  • Different value systems • Different “filter” systems • Infidelity • Addictions (usually comes with deceit and lies)

Strengthen Your Hope, Strengthen Your Marriage

Strengthen your hope, have fun and keep that fire alive in your marriage. It is all too easy to let those things slip away in our relationships.

More importantly, it takes time and work to make positive changes in our relationships. But that time and effort is more than worth saving a relationship with years behind it.

Whatever methods you choose will fit best for your relationship. But make it a priority to work at the relationship. More often than not, that effort is all that is required to keep the fires burning.